We could name it after any of the princesses we know from fairy tales. The truth is that this complex has its origin in childhood and can affect personal and couple relationships in the future. If you have daughters, do not hesitate to read this article where we will talk about a tradition that has been carried out for many years. In addition, you may be helping to preserve it without realizing it.

It is not wrong to say that our daughters are the princesses of the house, because they really are. But what can be wrong is raising them to sit and wait for Prince Charming, the same thing that happens in stories like Cinderella.

The idea that a beautiful knight in armor and on horseback will come to save them to give them the kiss that wakes them up from a great dream (like Snow White) or they stop being miserable and spend their lives mopping the floor (like Cinderella), may be very beautiful in our imagination, but in reality this does not happen.

The concept of Cinderella

The Cinderella Concept (or syndrome) was studied by researcher Colette Dowling. She released a book titled “Cinderella Complex: Women’s Fear of Independence.” Briefly, we could say that it is about the unconscious desire of women to be protected or cared for at all times, leaving aside their own tastes or activities. This may be due to parenting or social or religious pressures. Dowling indicates that in reality, this syndrome comes from the fear of being independent.

The name that this researcher has given to her study could not be more accurate. We all know the story of Cinderella: a young girl who spends the whole day taking care of her stepmother and stepsisters. One day a dance is organized for the prince and is not taken into account until a fairy godmother turns her into a princess.

Later, she loses her glass shoe and the handsome young man goes house to house until he finds the owner of the shoe. According to this tale, the woman must be at the same time innocent, beautiful and resigned, and of course, dependent on the husband or “prince charming”.

In the book “Cinderella”, the fairy godmother turns the protagonist into a princess and therefore the quintessential male specimen knows her at the dance. So, as Dowling says, a woman can only change the course of her life by entering into a relationship with a man. Otherwise, she will be a slave or a servant forever.

Why is the Cinderella Complex negative?

As a first measure, this complex or way of thinking prevents women from developing their skills beyond taking care of the home or taking care of raising children. Times have changed a lot. Today the only goal of most women is not to get married and start a family. They also aspire to a good professional career.

By marrying, both men and women have the right to continue fighting for their particular goals and dreams. Cinderella Syndrome indicates that this is not the case, since the woman has to stay home while she is “protected” by the husband. This belief, little by little, becomes obsolete thanks to the struggle of a society that has been modernizing. A society that has understood that being a woman should not be raised between cotton wool and, much less, depend on a man.

A wife who is too dependent on her partner is suffocating for both of them. That is why this complex of “princess rescued from the highest tower of the castle” can seriously affect the marriage. The life of two is not a fairy tale, therefore, if the woman does not have security in herself and does not make her own decisions, everything becomes uphill for both.

Everything has its moment

We all may need affection, protection and “to be saved” at some point in life. However, this cannot be the rule, but the exception. A hug that rescues us from a bad day is perfect and precise. A word of encouragement in a bad situation can comfort us. N ecesitar the support of someone at a particular time we do not become fragile, but real.

Lastly, the Cinderella Complex is negative because it does not allow women to achieve their personal goals. This makes them miserable, depressed, resigned, and frustrated. Increasingly, hundreds of girls are being observed studying at university. Without a doubt, the situation is changing. They are women who fight for a professional future. A future in which they do not have to depend on anyone. Because if they were “cinderellas” they would resign themselves to waiting for their prince charming.

What happens when the “Woman-princess” is left alone?

This is a topic worth looking into in detail. But we could say that at the time of divorce, the wife realizes that she does not have the means to get ahead, both emotionally and financially speaking. So she chooses another man to keep her in that fairy tale and it all becomes a vicious cycle.

How to avoid the Cinderella Complex in our family?

If you have daughters, instill in them the power of study and preparation. Teach them that it is necessary to have certain knowledge and work experience before marrying or starting a family. Go even further. Ask them how they want their lives to be. They are also free not to want to marry or start a family. Raise freethinking daughters. Let them know what they want without depending on anyone.

If you also have sons, teach them that housework is everyone’s business. In this way, awareness is beginning that the house is a family affair and not just for women. We all eat, we all use the bathroom, the living room… So, we all collaborate!

Raise sons and daughters who are able to achieve their goals and fulfill their dreams, who in the future aspire to enjoy a healthy and balanced relationship and above all things … don’t stop treating them like princesses (or princes) … they know What they want.