The 9 Needs Of Narcissists That You Should Know
The needs of narcissists make up a kaleidoscope of practices harmful to their close environment. Some define them as the sharks of human society. They have been part of our “ecosystems” since the beginning of time and are looking for victims to use to survive. Regardless of the context or circumstance, like any other hungry creature …
Now, the funny thing is that while we see sharks coming, when their striking fin appears on the surface, the same does not happen with narcissists. This personality type is very skilled at captivating : they are personable, outgoing, and they know how to connect with people. We would not always be suspicious of your hidden needs.
Today, we have more and more research on this personality type. Thus, something that we must be clear about is that these figures fall within a spectrum and can move through prosocial as well as antisocial compartments. That is, they can be capable of the best and the worst and perhaps, because of this, they confuse us so much.
Understanding what is in the basements of your mind can allow us to understand them much better.
What are the needs of narcissists?
Something that we intuit when delving into the needs of narcissists is that they are not happy people. Research papers like those done at the University of Florida, for example, explain something important. This personality often experiences continuous psychological distress by constantly living in interpersonal conflict.
This deterioration in every relationship further increases the needs for attention, external validation and domination. So, little by little, they fall into a vicious circle whose result is always the same: disagreements and loneliness. This in turn causes health to be affected as well, because their quality of life deteriorates, they can lead to addictions, risky behaviors, etc.
Next, we detail those needs of this type of personality that, at least, may seem paradoxical to us.
1. Love me and admire me
That’s how it is. The narcissist needs a constant supply of admiration, validation, and approval. He needs it from every figure that is close to him, starting with family, friends, partner, co-workers … They want to be the focus of attention in all circumstances and they achieve it thanks to their bombastic behaviors and also with their marked extroversion .
However, what is striking is that they demand a series of attentions that they themselves never offer to others. They want to be loved, but they return a harmful love lacking in empathy and reciprocity.
2. I will never trust you
Another need for narcissists is to misrepresent the principles of all trust. They will make us believe that they are those figures to turn to at any time. They will convince us that no one understands us as much as they do. This allows them to have us under their influence at any time.
However, the person with a narcissistic personality disorder needs to put emotional distance. He doesn’t trust anyone, they are emotionally cold and very distant.
3. I need to control you
Control to have a sense of power. Having one or more people under your control to reinforce your identity … That obsession to take the helm in every circumstance is a way of camouflaging your low self-esteem. In this way, if they manage to captivate someone and have them under their nets, they will turn them into their puppet.
4. I will lie to you whenever I can
Lying is the native language of the narcissist. It will make you believe in its infinite virtues. He will convince you that by his side only good and incredible things are going to happen to you, he will make you a canvas of the future full of wonders, dreams and castles in the air. All fake.
The most striking thing is that even they believe their own falsehoods, which is very difficult to contradict them.
5. I have to defend my fantastic story and make it profitable at all costs
This need goes one step beyond lying. Another trait of narcissists is creating an image of themselves, assuming it, and later selling it. Because these men and women are true merchants of fantasy, of a dazzling story with which to survive and rise to the top.
In order to take advantage of their deceptions, they do not hesitate to cross the line of the ethical and the respectable. They are unscrupulous and this can even lead to criminal acts.
6. I have to hide my weaknesses at all costs
Insecurity, low self-esteem, fear of loneliness, constant feeling of frustration … These people are made of blood, bones, nervous tissue and above all of infinite voids.
They are perfectly aware of their weaknesses and their greatest obsession is to hide them, create armor and climb the highest ladder to create a false image of themselves. The more oversized, the better.
7. I will deny who I am and blame you
A narcissist will never admit what he is, quite the opposite. If the relationship goes bad it is because you are the selfish person. If that project at work has been lost because of your wrong doing, the culprit will also be you. He will not hesitate to find a thousand excuses to take responsibility and make you feel bad.
They are always the victims of any situation, they are doctorates in throwing balls out and great gurus in destroying the identities and self-esteem of others. It is essential to know how to recognize them. Because the needs of narcissists are weapons aimed at generating discomfort and suffering wherever they go.
