How To Get Out Of Narcissistic Monologues?

We have all experienced insensitive people who dominate conversations with excessive talk and little listening. But if you are treated with an aggressive slant disguised as “conversation” you may be dealing with the verbal intimidation of narcissistic monologues.

Not all narcissists participate in open verbal dominance, but those who do can be relentless in their insistence on being listened to with little or no reciprocity.

Narcissistic monologues can range from charming comedy to teacher lectures to endless stories about people you’ve never met and places you’ve never been.

Whatever the narcissist’s topic and personal style, the conversation quickly turns into a spectacle of an open mouth, laced with boredom or irritation when you try to speak.

Narcissistic Monologues: Violated Boundaries

When our expectations of respect and reciprocity are violated, we may try harder to build rapport, forcing laughter when a comment doesn’t really amuse us, or nodding when we disagree.

Afterward, we can feel fuzzy and undervalued and wonder why. Blaming ourselves for not being interesting or forceful enough to stay firm in the conversation.

We can feel humiliated or angry, as if we had struggled against the ground with a sock in our mouth when we thought we were chatting with a colleague, friend, parent or partner.

Why do they use narcissistic monologues?

Big talk narcissists know what they’re doing and will continue to demand your full attention and acquiescence as long as you leave them. They do it because:

• They want control.
• They need attention.
• They see themselves as expert authorities.
• They feel a greater right to speak. They don’t care what you have to say unless you relate to them.
• They believe that they are above the codes of fairness and reciprocity.
• They feel powerful by making you feel invisible.

How to handle narcissistic monologues

You probably won’t get the narcissist in your life to listen to you. The ability to share and care for others is a milestone that is missed or not reached within the framework of the dominant narcissistic personality. As a rule, narcissistic people are people to avoid.

If he or she is someone close to you, it may be time to consider whether the relationship is worth it. Repeating the disabling experience of being routinely bullied into silent submission. Avoid it and if you can’t, move on to the next phase.

The confirmatory bias of narcissists

At a certain moment, we can all immerse ourselves or be the protagonists of a narcissistic monologue – it can be a very great temptation when we master the underlying topic of the conversation.

In fact, as psychologist Craig Malkin rightly points out, a hint of narcissism is practically inevitable in healthy self-esteem. However, the focus is on the people who go all the way – the absolute narcissists.

Confirmation bias, the universal urge to accept only what affirms us and discard everything that challenges us is a problem that we must all learn to deal with. Absolute narcissists, on the other hand, treat confirmation bias as the solution to all their problems.

Practicing narcissism on a regular basis requires discipline, let’s say peculiar. To be an absolute narcissist, one doesn’t need to know anything other than acting like an absolute know-it-all. Thus, it is no wonder that it has been such a tempting option throughout the centuries.

How to cut narcissistic monologues?

The challenge that has eluded humanity all along is this: how do you stop outright narcissism? How do people and movements stop whose sole purpose remains unbeatable? Here are some suggestions.

• Don’t try to persuade an outright narcissist. The strategy of cutting your thread of speech is usually more successful.

• The absolute narcissist will retaliate. Be relentless and don’t fall for any of the distractions they throw up as their smokescreen. They do not care about the substantive debate, except as an excuse to pretend that anyone who challenges it is in the wrong position.
• Put aside your subjective morality about what you think of him. In reality, there is only one moral problem and it is universal: no one surpasses reality. The reality is that narcissists care little about reality, so they will protect their position as a way to protect themselves.
• There is no need to defend yourself. Absolute narcissists will try to trap you in your own moral doubts, pretending that they care about moral standards that they don’t really care about. They operate with a predetermined logic.
• If they can find fault with you, don’t get caught. Be proud of your human fallibility and shame them for pretending to be superhumanly infallible.

• The absolute narcissist does not care about insults or meanness. They pretend they care when it helps them pretend that they are eternally right and just. So don’t get into the realm of insult.
• Stay calm, even friendly, with the person hiding within their cloak of false infallibility. Stay light, even humorous. It is not personal.
• When the conversation is over, your good calm defense and not your attack will make the reality clear. He doesn’t care, but many do.

It prevents the narcissist from turning the debate into a battle in which the recognition of errors or the lack of security on some topic or hypothesis are opportunities or places for attack.

You can avoid this by trying to emotionally distance yourself from the debate. In any case, neutralizing a narcissist, who has been practicing for years, requires a great deal of intelligence and patience.