How To Deal With A Couple Breakup?

Sometimes love goes out. Others, disappointment, betrayal or bitter disappointment occurs. In most cases, even with love, one is aware that it is better to leave the relationship: for health, for integrity and for the good of both. Coping with a breakup is never easy, nobody has taught us how to do it, however, managing it in the best way will allow us to move forward with greater dignity.

Let’s admit it, in any relationship, conflict, differences, disagreements are inevitable. These arise from the incompatibilities and inconsistencies between the internal world of its members when the ideas created about the other and the relationship do not coincide. A reality that can lead, as we already know, into a rupture.

However, a conflict does not necessarily lead to separation. Conflict can occur on an adaptive level and be managed appropriately. In fact, most of us will have experienced those moments when after a problem or disagreement with the couple, we have been able to overcome it in the best way to grow and strengthen the bond.

However, in some cases there is no room for reconciliation, or an agreement or a project for the future. Breaking that bond is often one of the most devastating realities we can experience.

Thus, as a study carried out at the University of Denver and published in the Journal of Family Psychology explains, for example , leaving our commitment to someone always generates psychological anguish, a dimension that is often very complicated to handle.

The breakup of the couple

When couples do not share their life project, it is likely that once the initial infatuation is over, they will have difficulties to continue. Living a breakup can be one of the most painful experiences to deal with, we know. Something that has been had and valued is lost, a shared space is left behind, an already truncated project and a legacy of memories that we must manage in the best possible way.

Once the relationship is over, it is necessary to redefine fundamental aspects. This is something that not everyone does adequately, because our brain, our emotions and thoughts are still anchored to that person. It is like a flow of negative energy that sends us and overtakes us, an avalanche of memories and past habits that we do not know very well how to get rid of.

Bewilderment and uncertainty often prevent us from focusing on what is most important: ourselves. We know that life goes on, but assuming that we will do it without the other person is a difficult and complex trance.

And now that?

After the breakup, what is expected and recommended is to start the grieving process. Going through these stages is an essential task to accept reality, regain hope and reorganize your personal and / or family life.

Grief, remember, is that psychological process that allows us to adapt to losses. Sometimes, it can start even before the physical separation for a more than evident fact: we stop having the support of the other and this loses its idealization. That is, often and before the breakup itself, many of us are already weaving the mantle of mourning to assume something essential: that we are no longer loved.

On the other hand, as revealed by a study carried out by psychologists David Sbarra and Jessica Borelli and published in the

For most, grieving is a complex process, but for some, it is extremely difficult. There are people who cannot adapt to the new situation and are trapped in pain and anger, making an effort to eliminate the other from their lives every other day without being able to do anything else. If the duel freezes, the separation becomes destructive, stagnant and prolonged.

The costs for these latter realities can be immense.

Some ideas to overcome the breakup

How to overcome the end of a relationship? It is not easy, but it can be done. Here are some tips that can help.

Assume the breakup as soon as possible

Assume, accept, integrate what happened without grudges, anger or blockages. In this way, the emotions will be less intense and bearable every day to allow you to create new routines. It is essential to close this chapter,  reestablish the expectations set in the previous relationship, give meaning to what was experienced and readjust what we hope for.

Never get hooked on the past.  Obsessively searching for “possible covert reasons” from the other to end the relationship or hold on to what it once was, can prolong and hinder the process.

And, of course, you don’t have to start a new relationship without getting over grief.  This will make it more complex, by bringing to the new partner all the unresolved from the past relationship.

Look for a constructive separation

How you handle the breakup will determine the impact on those involved, especially if there are children. It is important to assume your responsibility and your role in this new stage, manifest and express pain, establish clear limits, and prevent third parties from being involved.

They stop being a couple, but not parents.  If there are children, with the breakup the couple is lost, but both remain parents and must respect these functions, both in their own case and in the other’s. Likewise, children should not be involved in the conflict, as it causes them deep and permanent damage.

Live each stage

Even if we want to, we will not be able to regain stability and happiness overnight.  Suffering, feeling emptiness, experiencing pain and crying are essential realities to overcome what happened. It is important to live each phase of grief, express the emotions felt and let them run their course, not forcing the “nothing happens” or “I don’t care” when the wound is still open.

Although it is important to accommodate pain as we say, it is forbidden to settle in it for life. Once the time has come, we must recover and reinvent new routines. You have to try to take advantage of the situation. In fact, it can be an opportunity to resume or begin rewarding activities that were difficult to do with the ex.

Do not be tempted to return

The situation after a couple breakup is painful and can lead us to desperately return to the relationship, even if it is not the most favorable option. Being a moment of vulnerability, it is better to wait to make permanent decisions until there is greater stability.

Seek support. It may be appropriate and necessary to seek professional help through therapy or family mediation. Also, reach out to your loved ones, your friends, relevant people who always want the best for you and who know how to help you.

Last but not least, learn from this new stage.  Although the fear of loneliness is very frequent and shared in those moments after a breakup, it is an experience that is accompanied by learning and personal growth.

Move forward, therefore, without anguish, go through that new stage of life with confidence, recovering your own love and hope for a stronger future, according to your dreams and desires.