Beware Of Those Who Speak Ill Of Others: You Will Not Be Their Exception

Many of us are confidants and friends of people who continually talk about the lives of others, as if some divine power has given them that authority. They do not do it in a way that we could call “casual”, but for them hypocrisy is a common resource in communication, which indirectly serves to reinforce their values ​​by seeking the complicity of the other in what they criticize.

This reinforcement works by opposition, if the other agrees with me in what I hate, they will also agree with what I defend, in what I consider myself to be. Thus, this habit is typical of insecure minds, which with words about others do not seek anything other than to scare ghosts.

In addition, people with this habit do not speak in a general way or alluding to irrelevant details. They tell intimacies, judge and narrate stories that have been revealed by chance or carelessness, but that do not cease to belong to someone’s privacy and therefore to a place where no one should enter without the consent of the other.

How to detect the hypocrisy of our environment

It is not strange that we believe that among our circle of friends there is no one who criticizes us. If we thought otherwise, we would not have them as friends. With exceptions of course, because there are those who like masochism in this sense too. They love it when they talk about them, even if it is bad and with intention.

Now, the normal thing is that we do not feel too happy when we realize that someone uses us as a punching bag behind our backs. More if it is someone with whom we have confidence and with whom we share a certain intimacy. This happens a lot in couples, in which one of the two, to vent with their friends, it is not uncommon for at some point to put the other “to drain.”

Taking this into account, assuming that we are human, it is too categorical to say that  anyone who speaks ill of others at some point is a hypocrite.

If none of us had a faithful friend, sincere support to get through those bad times, they would be doubly bitter. Therefore, each of us can get to comment something negative about the people around us with someone who we consider worthy of our trust.

Telling another person what happens to us with others is not hypocrisy, it could be said that it fulfills a vital function in the human being. But, obviously, there are certain red lines that can give us clues that we are beginning to live in an environment of hypocrisy.

Fully elaborate lies, unfounded rumors, intimate details told on a bar table without the slightest decorum. There are no more red lines, the boundaries have already been blurred: we discovered that it is not just about hypocrisy. That person we consider a friend begins to talk about other people around us in a truly harmful way, without showing the slightest degree of regret.

That person that we consider a friend begins to show his darker side with others, but we refuse to think that this can happen to us.  Until we realize that he speaks with real fury, before an attentive audience, of a person who has the same relationship of trust as the one you share with him / her. The time to be vigilant is past: stay away from this person.

Living and surrounding yourself with authentic people is the reward for not practicing hypocrisy

No one is going to reward you for trying to get rid of the hypocrisy around you. No one is going to award you a medal for not engaging in a foul game that someone puts you on a silver platter. On the contrary, you will run the risk of losing contact with certain acquaintances, you will be a prey to doubt and many will question your attitude.

Limiting relationships with totally toxic people, who not only practice hypocrisy but who hurt when they can and want is difficult, especially when that person has been part of your intimacy. It is no coincidence that in psychological abuse, the one who walks away is never the winner.

The most convenient thing in these cases, for your own emotional health, is not to play an even dirtier game: do not try to reveal the hypocrisy of the other to others, each one must be responsible enough to remove the “blindfold” with autonomy and independence. You’ve had enough.

At the end of the day, living without being surrounded by hypocrisy has an implicit reward in itself: you will live more surrounded by the opposite. Healthy people with clean hearts around you, you will have much more space for them. Over time, the anger will disappear and even a feeling of compassion will overwhelm you. You will have passed the duel of anger to reach the most absolute of indifference.

You will learn a great lesson: you have to be careful with who talks and hurts the backs of others. Soon you could see yourself with that same dagger in your back, without knowing who made you bleed; but experience is a degree and you will know how to turn around in time to show your heart with courage in the face of the other’s attack. It may be that only then is he aware of the baseness of his actions.