How To Deal With Self-criticism

When we do an activity that we are passionate about and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, we often find ourselves eager to achieve success. However, many times it is not in our hands to fulfill our aspirations. It is then that we have to face self-criticism, since we are the first to judge ourselves negatively for our failures.

When we want to modify our behavior or other issues related to our appearance, the activities we carry out or interpersonal relationships, we can be victims of self-criticism. It happens especially when we want to achieve our objectives and avoid possible failures. In addition, this feeling carries with it a self-demand that can lead to destructive self-criticism. In these cases we try hard to show ourselves desirable to the world, demanding more of ourselves than we can give.

Self-criticism taken to the extreme can have negative consequences for our mental health. It can also negatively affect how we relate, as we expect to meet too many expectations. Often those expectations are even non-existent. So, if it is so damaging, how should we face that self-criticism to get to love ourselves more?

1. You are your worst critic

Understanding that the pressure we feel comes only from us is something complex and expensive initially. People around us probably do not have such exaggerated expectations of us, and yet we constantly think about what they will think.

We must understand that this kind of thinking that involves others comes mainly from our insecurity and at the same time, from a feeling of being perfect. Constantly criticizing ourselves in relation to personal successes, the appearance or the quality of our relationships does nothing but intoxicate us emotionally and mentally.

Forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself

This mechanic can easily turn into a vicious cycle: we can judge ourselves negatively for criticizing ourselves. It is then that we must learn to discern between constructive criticism and destructive criticism: while criticizing ourselves for unimportant issues is a toxic attitude, criticizing this dynamic is a constructive way of realizing that we are not doing ourselves well. Forgive yourself the mistakes and use them to learn.

Train yourself to overcome the fear of rejection

Human beings are social beings, so most of our actions involve others. For the social structure to work, it needs cooperation and acceptance. Therefore, one of the great fears consists of not being accepted by others.

To stop being part of this structure, which the company demands in many cases, causes a lot of anxiety to people who are too demanding with themselves. We must train ourselves to understand that not all people will accept us and that is not a problem.

2. Learn to understand your cycles

No one is constantly happy, nor does he always feel that his successes feed him. All of us go through cycles, affected either by internal issues, such as hormones, or external, such as interpersonal relationships. It is very common to experience emotional ups and downs in our day to day, so we should not judge ourselves so harshly if we find ourselves in a bad moment.

When this happens and we have to face self-criticism, we need to think about what we are experiencing that day, that week or that month. This bad experience affects our successes and our lifestyle, so we must keep it in mind as the cause of our discomfort. In addition, investigating the reason for this self-criticism will also give us clues about the existence of this hidden need in our behavior.

Reflect: think about your successes

When this happens to us and we feel that, despite having identified the cause, we continue to feel sad or angry with ourselves, we can do this exercise. If we go back in time and think about everything we have done well, about the rewards or how proud our loved ones were in a successful moment, our mood will improve, since we can see ourselves in similar situations.

3. Do what makes you happy

The fundamental thing is to dedicate our time to what brings us happiness, since this type of activity will require less effort and its fulfillment will be assured.

Completing tasks greatly helps to cope with self-criticism, as it gives us reasons to love and appreciate ourselves. Choosing a job that fills us with happiness, being active, or associating with positive people will help us achieve this.

Nobody is going to love us as we can. You have to find happiness in yourself, in the acceptance of your whole being, with its strengths and weaknesses. We are the only ones who know how to make ourselves happy, and that is something to appreciate and value.