Having The Other On A Pedestal Prevents You From Seeing Who And Who You Are

The feeling of connecting with someone in depth is so magical and rewarding that it can blind us. The fullness that we experience in certain emotional ties, added to our own shortcomings and desires, can lead us to distort the image we have of certain people. However, having the other on a pedestal is dangerous and harmful on several levels.

It is conceivable that identifying, valuing and highlighting the positive qualities of those with whom we share life is beneficial. However, if we fall into the trap of idealizing them, of denying their dark parts, we will prevent ourselves from seeing them and seeing ourselves as we really are. Well, when this happens, when we place another in a superior position, our own personal expression suffers. Let’s analyze why.

What is it like to have the other on a pedestal?

It is not always easy to identify when we are idealizing someone. The feelings that we get from having a high concept of the other are apparently pleasant and positive. We admire his virtues, we enjoy his company and we feel fortunate for the magical coincidence of crossing our path. The problem arises when we forget that, like everyone else, he is a human being and, therefore, imperfect. 

However, we make a mistake when we feed so much to idealization as to completely cloud our capacity for analysis. Identifying where others can improve does not mean that you stop loving them ; on the contrary, accepting the person with their lights and shadows improves any relationship. In this sense, having the other on a pedestal does not help.

Idealization in relationships

Idealization often arises in the realm of romantic and dating relationships. This is caused by the biochemical reactions typical of the initial infatuation. However, if everything follows its natural course, the passage of time helps us to know our partner in depth; moving the relationship to a calmer and more honest love, in which the other is seen more clearly.

However, those who have low self-esteem, a fear of rejection or abandonment, and especially younger people can get “stuck” in the cognitions of this first stage. When idealizing the couple, not only are their qualities exaggerated, and they are assigned others that they do not really possess, but there is also a blindness regarding those points in which they can improve. In this way, the person acquires an air of perfection, infallibility and superiority in the eyes of those who idealize him.

One of the great problems with idealization is that it can generate submission. If the other has a perfect criterion, everything he says or orders must be law, anchor, security point. Idealizing the partner can also lead us to focus excessively and exclusively on them, leaving aside other important areas and aspects of our life.

The idealized person also suffers

Paradoxically, those who are idealized also suffer, since they carry the expectations of their partner on their shoulders, with the task of completing it and making her happy. In this way, you may feel that your partner does not really know you or that it is hardly going to be a stimulus to grow.

Moreover, this situation can also occur in relationships that are not couples: work, family, friends, etc. Thus, it is not only love that could feel harmed.

How to stop having the other on a pedestal?

So, if you have detected this trend in your life and you want to stop having the other on a pedestal, start by taking off your veils. Try to analyze the situations, conversations and actions of each person objectively.

Ask yourself what you really think and do not be afraid to disagree, do not fear that any of the other’s traits or attitudes will dislike you or seem improvable. If you love him, allow him to make mistakes and begin to see him as a human being of flesh and blood.

Similarly, start by empowering yourself. Many times what awakens us admiration and fascination when we see it in others is just what we would want for ourselves. So, work on yourself, mold yourself, heal yourself and become your best version.