Block Thoughts So As Not To Suffer, Can We Do It?

Is it possible to block thoughts so as not to suffer? By what mechanism can we suppress these memories, ideas or obsessions in order to reduce their negative emotional charge? This is a question that we have all asked ourselves at times and that many try to answer day after day.

But is this possible? The answer is no”. It is neither possible nor convenient to do so. The mental and psychological universe is governed by other laws. Thus, while in conscious, real and tangible life, one can get rid of what they no longer want, throwing it away (like someone who gets rid of everything that reminds us of a failed affective relationship), in the territory of the mind nothing can be undone or erased forever.

Moreover, within the field of psychology we know that the more a thought tends to block, the “more it bounces.” It is like trying to submerge a ball in the bottom of a swimming pool. The more force we do, the more it will tend to rise to the surface. We call this phenomenon ironic monitoring , it is a process in which, no matter how hard we try to suppress an idea or an image, the brain always ends up looking for another thought that is related to it to make it more salient.

It is what is also known as the “white bear of Tolstoy.”  A metaphor that refers us to an anecdote by Leo Tolstoy in which, as a child, his brother punished him forcing him to sit in a corner until he stopped thinking about a white bear. As we can well imagine, he stayed hours and hours in that place …

Knowing this … what can we do then with negative or painful thoughts?

Block your thoughts to avoid suffering, a useless strategy

Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists in history, said that if he was sure of one thing, it was that anyone who wants to can improve their well-being. Change will be possible only if we promote it ourselves, convincing ourselves, first, of something decisive. It is necessary to accept ourselves as we are, with our defects, virtues, needs, fears and complex nuances.

This necessarily happens to validate and give space to all those thoughts that accompany us and that are part of us. Because at the end of the day, we are what we feel, what we think and each interpretation made of what happens to us. Hiding it, blocking it or trying to forget what we experienced or felt is like wanting to erase a part of ourselves. Therefore, blocking the thoughts so as not to suffer is clearly a useless strategy.

What’s more, by making an effort to suppress certain thoughts or memories, what we will achieve is to feed our own rumination. It is falling into endless cycles in which to reinforce that same idea over and over again and with it, increase anxiety.

Therefore, it is necessary to be clear that saying things like “stop worrying” or “stop reinforcing negative thoughts” is useless. The correct strategy would be to learn to worry in a logical and constructive way and, in turn, to learn to handle negative thoughts. Let’s see how.

Yes, you can get Tolstoy’s white bear to no longer appear

We explained at the beginning the anecdote of the punishment of Leon Tolstoy by his brother. That is, it is enough for them to tell us ” stop thinking about a white bear” for it to emerge continuously. Well, although it is not possible for us to block our thoughts so as not to suffer, we can carry out other strategies.

The first of them starts from an obvious and essential fact: we must accept each of these thoughts and understand that the more we resist or want to avoid them, the more they will appear. Thus, as shown in a series of studies carried out by psychologists Jens Foerster and Nira Liberman, once a person is taught to accept those mental images or ideas and is reminded that blocking them is useless, the rebound effect stops appearing.

Therefore, nothing is as important to manage negative or even traumatic thoughts, as giving them presence and accepting that they are there.

Release the guilt: they are automatic thoughts and it is difficult to handle them

A common effect associated with trying to block out negative thoughts is guilt. Why do these uncomfortable ideas arise in my mind? What is wrong with me that I only think negative or painful things?

In these cases, it is appropriate to remember an essential aspect: we are not to blame for its appearance. Negative thoughts are automatic and it is not easy to have control over them.

Now, even if you are not responsible for their persistent appearance, you do have an obligation: once they appear in your mind you must take charge of them, accept them, redefine them and reduce that exhausting burden through a more rational approach. We see it below.

You cannot block thoughts to avoid suffering, but it is possible to generate other types of ideas

As much as you want to, you cannot block the thoughts so as not to suffer. Furthermore, you cannot think the opposite to reduce intensity to that painful or negative idea. In other words, if my mind tells me over and over again that what I have to do is going to go wrong, it is useless to convince myself that “everything is going to be fine.”

• What we must do is introduce a doubt, a bit of chaos in that mental automatism. To do this, it is appropriate to argue, confront, create conflicts with one’s own mind: “What proof do you have that everything is going to go wrong?” Do you want my life to go from failure to failure? Why do you want to see me unhappy?

• Next, it is necessary to become aware of the little usefulness of those negative or painful ideas. Remember your values, your goals, your purposes, keep in mind your needs here and now. Do you think these automatic and negative thoughts are useful to you? Obviously not. It is time to disempower them and build new, healthier ideas.

This type of mental modeling cognitive restructuring in which disinfecting and flipping certain internal images takes time. It is not easy, especially when we have been victims of the constant patter of negativity for several months or years. However, changes are possible. Let’s commit to ourselves.