Overcoming The Suicide Of A Loved One

Suicide of a loved one can be a truly devastating experience for those who survive. In these cases, the pain of the loss is compounded by the tragic conditions in which it occurs, the suddenness of the event and, many times, the impossibility of finding an explanation for what happened.

One of the most complex aspects after the suicide of a loved one is managing feelings of guilt. It is inevitable that these appear, since the mere fact that someone loved takes their own life implies the idea that they were a person in trouble and that those around them could not help them.

The truth is that grief over the suicide of a loved one is usually much more difficult to cope with than when death occurs in other circumstances. For this reason, these types of situations demand greater attention and more caution, since the implications that it can have are very wide.

The suicide of a loved one

Death often generates feelings of disbelief and bewilderment, even when it is expected to occur. In the case of suicide, both feelings are experienced in a superlative way. In addition to a strong dose of anguish, along with confusion, guilt and often shame or consciousness of sin in the case of believers.

Add to that the fact that the environment is usually not very helpful. Although the solidarity of others is received at the time of death, funerals and so on, the most common is that afterwards a harsh silence prevails around the events. Most people do not know how to deal with these types of situations and very often choose to avoid them.

Nor is it uncommon for others to speculate about the reasons that led to the suicide of that person and to look with some apprehension at those around them. Even if they don’t say anything, some gestures and attitudes will show that reality. A blanket of silence tends to unfold over suicide, which, in any case, is never convenient.

A different duel

Grief over the suicide of a loved one is more difficult to overcome than other griefs because in this case you have to develop a situation that will have incomprehensible aspects . In this case, the situation cannot be seen as a natural event, but on the contrary: as a fact that goes against the natural way of dying.

Those who survive the person who commits suicide ask themselves a thousand times “Why?” They also torment themselves with self-reproaches: “How did I not see it coming?” “I should have done this or that” … In one way or another they feel that they failed the one who died and they feel guilty for not having done more. They may even “hate” the deceased person for making them feel this way.

There are too many feelings present and they are all complex. That makes the duel more difficult and tends to be longer. Anyway, there are always ways to elaborate all that pain, assimilate it and incorporate the experience in our lives.

Get over the duel

If you go through a situation like this, you should know that you are more vulnerable than at other times and that, for the same reason, if you follow inertia or what the body asks of you, it is most likely that you will end up abandoning yourself.

Do not try to limit the pain, neither in time nor in intensity. Express what you feel by all the means you have at hand. Sometimes we believe that if we give free rein to suffering, we will never feel good again. But this is not the case, quite the opposite. The less you talk about it, the less you cry or the less you express, the more difficult it will be to limit suffering.

You are likely going to need help. You can look for it in your relatives, if you think that they give you enough support in a situation like this. The most common thing is that this is not the case. That is why it is a good idea to think of a support group, which is a space where many people share a similar experience. Another highly advisable option is to seek professional help.