Doubts In Love: End Or Continue With The Relationship?

We have all ever had doubts in love. Maintaining a relationship requires sensitivity, attention and sometimes a good dose of patience; For this reason, it is not strange that we ask ourselves from time to time if it is really worth continuing with our current partner, especially if we have been with her for a while and some of the “magic” of the beginning has dissipated.

However, despite the fact that it is something so common, many of us are not prepared to feel these doubts in love and we usually have a very bad time. Does this mean that you are not the right person for me? Should we break up, even though so far everything has gone well?

Sometimes it is true that doubts about relationships can indicate a deeper problem that needs to be solved, or the relationship will not prosper. However, on many other occasions, doubts in love appear because our expectations of how a couple should be are not realistic. In this case, feeling insecure about the relationship does not have to mean that there is a more serious problem. In today’s article we will learn to distinguish between these two types of doubts.

Doubts in love: why do they occur?

Doubts in a relationship can appear for different reasons. Some of them mean nothing about the health of the relationship, while others are telling us that a change needs to be made. In general, the most common doubts in love occur in the following situations:

• In response to a change (external or internal).
• When one of the members of the couple is attracted to someone new.

Let’s see each one of them.

When changes appear in the couple

Romantic movies have hurt us a lot. In almost all of them the beginning of a relationship is shown, when the feelings are stronger, everything seems rosy and the two people are totally compatible and spend the day looking into each other’s eyes with panphilic faces. However, there are fewer cameras to pick up what happens next.

And the truth is that we have all experienced this feeling at some time. When we start dating a new person, sometimes we are so in love that we can only see the good that they have and we ignore all the negative. The most common thing in these cases is to start dating, and enter a relationship that will make us very happy for a few months.

The problem? That this feeling always ends. According to the latest research on love, this phase (technically called “limerence”) lasts between three months and a year. Then the feelings are transformed, and true romantic love appears. However, most of us, when we feel this feeling disappear, we get scared and begin to feel doubts about our partner. About our love, about hers or about both of us.

If something like this has happened to you, don’t worry: it is the normal evolution of love. The important thing in these cases is to focus on establishing good communication and trust with the other person, as well as working to maintain the passion in the long term. According to research, these are the three fundamental components of healthy and lasting love.

The same can happen if there is a major change in the life of one of the two members of the couple. In these situations, it is critical to the health of the relationship that you both act as a team. In general, all relationships will have ups and downs of this type, but if the couple maintains a balance and the communication channels open, it is likely that the union will be strengthened.

What if there is someone else?

Again, Hollywood has propagandized some pretty damaging beliefs about love. In this sense, some of the most frequent doubts appear when we do not feel brought or detect that our partner may be attracted to a new person. However, does this mean that our relationship is doomed? Not necessarily.

The reality is that, for most people, just because they are in love doesn’t mean they can’t be attracted to someone else. Conversely. This is so because the decision to be with a single person emanates from our commitment:  to choose our partner at all times over any momentary or casual attraction.

So if you are attracted to someone new and that makes you doubt your relationship, take a deep breath. It’s not about the end of the world or your relationship; On the contrary, to continue with your current partner or leave it for the new person is a decision that only you can make, after thinking it rationally and without letting yourself be carried away by the emotion of the moment.

Another different issue is, of course, the appearance of an infidelity. In these cases, the problem is not the attraction to another person, but the breakdown of trust in the partner. Both members of the relationship must then decide whether they believe they can rebuild it or whether, on the contrary, it is better to start from scratch.

Final reflection

A relationship is not a static process, but a dynamic one. What does this mean? That with the passage of time everything changes. We evolve just like our partner. A couple consists of two independent people who decide to share their time. However, this does not mean that we are free from doubt. When we start a relationship we have expectations that may or may not be met. It is important not to form too many expectations, because the day they are not met we will feel disappointed.

The important thing is to know what our partner gives us: stability, tranquility, joy, unforgettable moments … When we have doubts we must weigh what we want, because in the end it will be our choice. On the other hand, if we start to look at another person and our relationship has been going downhill for a while and without brakes, it may be time to rethink the situation.

Levinger (1996) defined commitment as “the sum total of attractions and barriers within a relationship, minus the sum of attractions and barriers that surround the most relevant external alternative . ” What does this author want to tell us? That for a relationship to be committed and last, the pros must be superior and better than the cons. This definition can serve as a guideline when we are at a point where we do not know what to do. To follow or not to follow? Still, only we can look inside ourselves and really know what we want.