Authoritarian Mothers: What Are They Like?

Just as there are authoritarian fathers, there are also authoritarian mothers who exercise emotional severity, who are in favor of the “slap in time”, of the cry that stops the feet and of the threat that does not stop being. This type of upbringing and education always leaves consequences in the short and long term. However, in the event that it is exercised by a woman, perhaps certain peculiarities are added.

We cannot neglect the importance of the parenting style in the development of children. Thus, whoever opts for authoritarianism also chooses the way in which he is going to relate to his son (through superiority), the way in which he will communicate with him (through orders) and what he will expect from the child (obedience). None of this is accidental and whoever chooses these dynamics always responds to various reasons.

In this way, whoever uses imposition, authority and intolerance in daily treatment as a parent reveals a rigid and inflexible mind. Lack of empathy, existential frustration, and the need to have everything under control almost always demonstrate insecurity and weak self-esteem.

Characteristics of authoritarian mothers

Is there really a difference between authoritarian fathers and mothers? Does the tax and severe education exercised by a woman have any particularity? The truth is that -on average- it seems that it is. We have research, such as that carried out at the University of California, for example, that shows us relevant data regarding this trend.

Apparently, when a child grows up in an environment governed by authoritarian motherhood, he experiences greater emotional deprivation. That emotional coldness can be even more incisive than that exercised by an authoritarian parent.

In many cases, mothers are those first attachment figures in childhood life and when this bond is nurtured by hyperexigence, coldness and punishment, the consequences can be more traumatic.

Let us now understand what is the profile of authoritarian mothers and what are the consequences.

The hyper-demand that hides the feeling of frustration

One of the traits of authoritarian mothers is the excessive demand they apply to their children. Many will be able to point out that it is good for a child to have firm norms and certain things are required of him. It is true, but everything has a limit.

To begin with, women who exercise such authoritarianism very often hide frustrated desires. Perhaps the life they have now is not what they aspired to in the past. It may be that they failed to achieve a goal, that their professional development did not conform to what was expected or that their affective relationship was not the happiest.

These and other dimensions often trace a feeling of failure that hides behind perfectionism and educational hyper-demand:

• The dominant mother outlines in detail how her son’s life should be.
• The child rarely manages to reach such a high bar and this leads them to experience great anxiety and negative self-perception from an early age. No matter how hard they try, they can never satisfy the ideal that their mothers impose.

They speak for their children and make decisions for them

Something that the aforementioned University of California study revealed is the sense of shame that always haunts the children of authoritarian mothers. The reason? It is easy to understand.

• These women even decide who can and cannot be friends with their children.
• They are also those figures who speak for them, who in a conversation silence them to respond in their place. They decide what they like and what they don’t like. They project and take charge of all the tasks that would correspond to their children.

This causes that child to end up developing a feeling of constant shame at not having a voice or opinion.

Authoritarian mothers: manipulation and iron discipline

Authoritarian motherhood does not allow mistakes of itself or of its own children. Thus, whenever they experience failure, they always look for someone to blame. That way, if they have had, for example, a bad day at work, they do not hesitate to tell their children that they are responsible in view of how bad they behave or the headaches they give them.

To the daily and incisive manipulation in each act and word, iron discipline is added. Each activity is regulated, the rules are so rigid that they do not leave room for play, enjoyment, and freedom. Thus, and given these severe dynamics, it is common for these children to develop in adolescence from eating disorders or even self-harm.

Emotions are a sign of weakness

Mothers who defend the slap in time, who believe that to educate you have to impose, punish and threaten, they understand little about emotional intelligence. Moreover, on average, emotions have no place and are sanctioned. In these contexts of authoritarianism, the expressed emotion is labeled as a trait of weakness.

The child who cries is ridiculed, the protester is reprimanded, and the one who screams excessively when having fun is reprimanded because he is making a fool of himself. These are undoubtedly experiences that many may be familiar with. And indeed, the wound that originated still hurts despite the years. Because authoritarian parenting doesn’t educate brighter people, it gives the world more insecure and unhappy beings. Let’s keep it in mind.