Until Boredom Do Us Part!
When we start a relationship, it is normal to feel full of illusion and joy, as if a supernatural force pushed us and made us fly to heaven. If everything goes well and if you want to formalize, the marriage or common-law partner arrives. What many may not know is that boredom can make the famous phrase “until death do you part” its own.
What is sometimes not easy to explain is how you can go from 0 to 100 in just a few months or just a few years. What exactly happens in the couple to end up not being able to bear the hobbies or defects of the other? Is it coexistence? Lack of privacy? A descent from passion?
How do you go from passion to boredom
Disappointment is one of the reasons that passion can be replaced by boredom. When a couple has just moved in together, it is logical that everything is emotion and happiness. But, without any pretense of discouraging anyone, it is necessary that the “other party” is also taken into account: the one that you have not yet had the opportunity to see about each other.
When it comes to distributing tasks and household expenses, it is common for small conflicts to arise. And although it would be desirable to be able to solve them in a friendly way, it is likely that what you see in the other will disappoint you. Perhaps certain attitudes or behaviors that you did not know before will make you surprise and even completely disappoint you.
Another reason is indifference. As a result of a prolonged and unfriendly coexistence, you can develop that feeling of apathy, disgust and rejection for the other. It is that moment in which everything I do seems rebuttable, improvable and wrong. You argue for nonsense and do not allow but some. Until a day comes that literally “you don’t care anymore.” You resign yourself and live unhappy in a concomitant boredom.
Beware of boredom and routine
The daily routine, lack of enthusiasm and spontaneity, absence of surprises and interests, fragile foundations, lack of common hobbies … There are many causes of boredom. But just as you need two people to argue, the cause of boredom in a couple also has its origin in the two members of the same.
If you are the one who feels sad or not wanting to go out, let the other know. It may not only help you vent, but you can also help your partner know how to help you. Likewise, if you always turn what you do as a couple into a routine, in the end it ends up leading to undesirable boredom.
For example, if you normally want to go to the movies on Friday, there are two ways to face this outing. As an activity that you do to get out of the routine and have fun together; or as a predictable obligation devoid of any excitement. Better the first, right?
Attitudes that promote boredom
Mistrust, being carried away by jealousy, insecurity, a feeling of inferiority or a lack of honesty. These are some of the attitudes we often tend to adopt when we feel uncomfortable in a relationship. All of them lead to rupture or boredom. Therefore, if you want your relationship to last for a long time, decide to talk and improve communication as a couple.
Another very common mistake that ends with the couple, in addition to the communication that we will talk about next, is the lack of support. Often, when we have a problem and we try to tell it, we back down out of the conviction that the other will not understand us. And even worse is when we tell it and we do not feel protected, protected or understood by the other. To avoid this, make empathy your life partner.
On the other hand, lack of time is another of the great enemies of a healthy relationship. It is important that you take a few minutes a day to talk with your partner. Give him a touch or eye contact that really fills him with energy. Stress or working too many hours are often high risk factors.
The solution is communication
As you can see, having a healthy and stable relationship is not always an easy task and requires effort and conscious involvement on the part of both of you. And even more so when a myth has been traveling from generation to generation, the one that says that “when man speaks, he gets tired; on the contrary, when the woman speaks, she rests ”.
Women, due to education and social roles that they have had to play, have tended to position themselves more on the communicative side. While, the man, due to the stereotype of protector and being rude, has opted more for silence.
Today, the lack of communication in a relationship is the origin of its failure. If something bothers you about the other person – for example, that they never put their clothes in the laundry basket or that they do not take out the trash – it is best to tell them. Not in the spirit of arguing, but to express your thoughts. In addition, success is not only found in pointing out the negative of your partner (and, also, that he has to listen to you and change). The most important thing is love. Therefore, also communicate the positive parts: do not forget to point out what he does and you like.
By making the other aware of what bothers you, perhaps you can file or modify those habits that annoy you. And if it doesn’t, don’t take it personally, just understand that no one is perfect. And just like your partner, you too will have your quirks.
On the contrary, if you choose to keep quiet, not only will you be omitting information that can enrich your ties, but your internal discomfort will grow more and more. And in the end … you will explode for any other reason. To communicate is to live. And what is not said, what the other does not know, is as if it did not exist.
