Before The Vice Of Asking Is The Virtue Of Not Giving
Many of the people around us are addicted to asking and asking without offering anything in return. These are people who take advantage of certain situations and who believe that what interests them is above all else.
They do not normally question whether their requests are fair or unfair, as they do not know the measure beyond their own interest. Obviously, there are more or less masked egoisms, but generally with time we can open our eyes and protect ourselves.
This is especially dangerous for our emotional integrity. Well, they may even make us feel guilty for not giving them what they are asking for even though it is in our power.
To avoid this, we must get a mental balance that allows us to weigh in the most objective way possible if the benefit is reciprocal or, on the contrary, we always end up being harmed.
Don’t confuse kindness with naivety
As they say, it is one thing to be good and quite another to be “stupid.” What happens is that many times we sin in the latter by not renouncing goodness. As a consequence they can take advantage of us. In this way, we run the risk of giving and giving without being aware that they are actually taking advantage of us. Until a time comes when we realize that they are using us.
In these types of situations we can feel sad, disappointed, irascible and distrustful. How could we expect someone for whom we’ve done so much to not answer? In this sense, and once again, our problem is in our expectations. Since those who wait a lot, can be disappointed as much. Creating expectations about how others should behave can cause us great suffering when it does not correspond to what happens.
Sometimes we give everything and get nothing in return
There is a fine line between the use and the abuse of our trust. Wanting to please everyone is to sentence our happiness, so we must be careful not to fall into the error of giving in in everything because we feel blackmailed or morally obliged. We may feel in a moral or solidarity obligation to help, but we cannot really take care of everything. And, on many occasions, this is what happens. We throw ourselves behind tasks that do not correspond to us. In a way, it is as if we were taking a friend’s exam.
However, it is not always when we feel this way that we are being used. Only that others do not react as we would and that can despair and increase this feeling of a tissue. Therefore, it is important to know the person well. Some of our friends may have a very particular way of returning a favor, and yet they do it from the heart.
In other words, the ideal is that we exercise caution, assess the situation well and be patient before concluding that they are taking advantage of us. In other words, we must ensure that the facts weigh more than the feelings.
Don’t let others make you who you are not
Vampires are only interested in their own benefit. When you discover them, take your life plans away from them and establish emotional limits that do not endanger your identity. Be clear that every bond requires reciprocity, without turning it into a contract of “I give you to the extent that you give me . “
Giving to receive does not require giving it back in the same way, but it does ask for mutual willingness and pleasure. Both parties in the relationship must feel it and transmit it, because otherwise nobility is lost in our exchanges. Despite this, giving without expecting anything in return can sometimes also strengthen us and help us to be in solidarity. Thus, it will be up to us to assess the situation and know whether or not it is appropriate to “pitch in.”
Images courtesy of Nicoleta Ceccoli, Benjamin Lacombe, natalia_maroz
