Low Frustration Tolerance, An Emotional Time Bomb
Life is not perfect, and it is not controllable either. It is full of situations and outcomes that are far removed, to a great extent, from our expectations. Learning to accept and manage this reality is part of our maturation process. However, when this is not achieved and we grow up with a low tolerance for frustration, we will face a lot of suffering.
When something does not happen as expected we have two options: accept it and move on or get stuck in negativity and the role of victim. In no case changing what happened is an option. So what do you decide? Stiffness brings discomfort, flexibility opportunities.
Tolerance of frustration in childhood
During childhood we have not yet fully developed our cognitive abilities, which leads us to be impulsive and impatient. For children it is difficult to delay gratification, they want something and they want it as soon as possible. Faced with a denial of their wishes, they may react with anger, crying, yelling and bad behavior.
Teaching children to tolerate frustration is one of the most difficult tasks in education, but it is absolutely necessary. It is not always possible to get what we want and this should not cause us suffering. When a child is denied anything during infancy, he is deprived of the ability to develop this ability.
Some parents, in their eagerness to protect their children from pain and disappointment, grant all their requests. They give in and try to solve, in advance, every need and desire of the child. So that it does not have to face any kind of discomfort.
These are acts that are based on good intention, a loving thought: “he will have time to suffer when he grows up.” However, it is necessary to face frustration in childhood to learn to tolerate it. Otherwise, in adult life it will present itself to a much greater degree and we will not have the necessary tools to deal with it.
How to work the low tolerance to frustration?
Growing up with overprotective parents marks our starting point, but it doesn’t condemn us. At all times we can make the decision, as adults, to modify our attitude and work on our lacking areas. Thus, if you find it difficult to face adversity, if you perceive it as a huge injustice, if you feel great discomfort when your wishes are not fulfilled, remember that you can change.
- Stop wanting to control everything. Don’t try to predict every little event in your life, don’t try to control what happens. Don’t be afraid of uncertainty or change. Let everything run its course without being attached to the result. The need for control does not give you the ability to modify what happens, but it deprives you of your peace of mind.
- Set realistic expectations. It is naive to believe that we can get everything we want in every moment, that we will never face adversity. Neither people nor events revolve around us and we have to be mature enough to accept this fact. Therefore, when generating your expectations, try to adopt a broader perspective, which takes into account reality and not just your ideal of it.
- Be flexible. It is completely legal to have dreams and wishes, to wish them to be fulfilled and to work to achieve them. But you also have to understand that circumstances are changing and that you need to know how to adapt to these changes. If the scene changes, it is important that you are able to change your thoughts and actions as well. Do not stay rigidly stuck on how you thought everything would happen, find an alternative in light of the new information that the environment offers you.
A matter of trust
Finally, in the face of any adversity or setback, accept and trust. The low tolerance to frustration hides insecurity, the fear of not being able to face the negative that life gives us. Therefore, trust yourself, in your ability to manage emotional discomfort and move forward. And trust, too, in the process. Maybe not everything is going as you expected, but maybe it is heading in a much better direction. So remember: accept what is, adapt to change, and trust. You are not a victim, you have the power to decide how to react.
