How To Improve Self-esteem After A Separation?

Separating is one of the most stressful situations that can be experienced, since it implies a readjustment to a new lifestyle without a partner. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to self-esteem to avoid that it suffers, that we end up describing ourselves in a negative way, we compare ourselves with others to convince ourselves of how unhappy we are because we are alone or that hopelessness floods us.

Likewise,  a separation implies assuming that the life project that we had has ceased to exist and therefore, that we have to face a new reality. The one in which we take the reins to embark on a new path while still sustaining ourselves and in which our strength becomes a fundamental pillar to advance.

For all this, we want to recommend some keys so that you know how to improve self-esteem after a separation. In this way, the recovery and reconstruction process will be more bearable and positive. 

Put an end to the relationship: the importance of turning the page

After a separation it is normal to continue thinking about the other, especially if it was a relationship in which there were years of coexistence. In addition, although the separation has been a change for the better, it is still a grieving process that we have to go through with all its phases. However, once it has been overcome, we can begin to think about the activities in common, the moments shared and the positive aspects that the ex-partner had.

Once the first weeks have passed, it is very common that our memory deceives us and that we begin to remember the most positive details of the relationship. In this way, doubts will appear about whether we have made the best decision. At this point it is essential to be able to turn the page because to improve self-esteem you have to be able to look ahead and detach from the past.

Closing that stage will help you improve your self-esteem after a separation because it will allow you to think about the future, about your personal projects, about those aspects that you want to improve about yourself and above all, it will help you to value your personality.

If you can leave the relationship behind, instead of spending your time and emotions thinking about what has gone wrong, you can think about what you want to have in your life from now on. And this sense of empowerment is a super dose of self-worth.

Reconnect with yourself: how do you see yourself?

Another of the necessary steps to improve self-esteem after a separation is to reconnect with you, that is, pay attention to you, listen to you and attend to your personal needs. To do this, first of all you have to do a self-knowledge exercise that allows you to identify how you define yourself and how you see yourself.

For example, you can take a piece of paper and a pen to write what adjectives come to mind when you think of yourself. If you have trouble thinking of words to define yourself, you can use a list with adjectives of personal characteristics and choose 5 positive and 5 negative that define you.

As you can see, it is not that you only see the positive in your personality and that you seek to deceive yourself that you do not have any defect; but that you also accept the negative aspects and ask yourself which one you want to change.

Another key idea to improve self-esteem is that you think of 3 skills that you are better than others. Surely something makes you stand out, however minimal it may be, write it down and remember it every day that you get up in the morning. In this way, you will carry out an association exercise between the moment of waking up and the memory of your strengths and abilities.

Take care of your health, your appearance and your routine

Another fundamental aspect to improve self-esteem after a separation is personal care, both physical and psychological. In this sense, the first step is to take care of your health. If due to the separation or stress prior to this situation you did not have the opportunity to go to medical visits, now is the time to do so.

Another highlight is taking care of your appearance. To improve self-esteem after a separation you have to see in the mirror the person you want to be, that is, you have to have positive reinforcement when you look at yourself.  Therefore, spending a few minutes a day taking care of your appearance is very important. Keep in mind that self-esteem also depends on how we see ourselves, that is, on whether we like ourselves or not.

On the other hand, it is very important that you create a new routine and put your life in order, since self-esteem after a separation can be damaged by the chaos resulting from the process of adapting to the new situation. Feeling that you lead an orderly life will make you feel better and give you back the feeling of being a competent and independent person.

Finally, you have to trust that you can regain self-esteem, improve your personal qualities and be clear that you are one of your most important priorities.

Many times, separations bring additional problems such as child custody, moving, changes in schedules and routines and people put everything first for the good of our family. This way of working is not bad, but it has to be done without neglecting oneself. Because if you dedicate all your efforts to those around you, you stop dedicating time and at some point your strength will diminish and you may not be available to others when they need you.

However, if the situation becomes complicated and you feel that you are unable to rebuild yourself, a psychologist  can help you both to improve your self-esteem, and to recover it. Ask for help if you think it is necessary and trust that everything is possible with dedication and effort.