Why Can Lack Of Confidence Portray Us As Selfish?

Lack of self-confidence is one of those burdens capable of slowing us down or limiting us in many fields. In this sense, it can be the source of other problems, big and small. Among them are difficulties in starting or maintaining a healthy relationship with other people. We can appreciate it, for example, in his excessive inhibition or in his difficulties to express himself naturally.

Although it may not seem like it, the lack of self-confidence is a factor that nurtures certain selfish or apparently selfish attitudes. In reality, it does not mean that people with these traits do not care about others, but that because they place little value on themselves, they tend to overestimate their vulnerability, often being defensive and thinking that what she has to contribute it is so inconsequential that it is not worth the effort it may demand.

In many cases, that is why he keeps words to himself or does not take initiatives. He assumes that he cannot give something valuable to others, behaving in the end in a selfish way.

Lack of self-confidence and solidarity

It is very common for an insecure person to immediately  assume that their help is not necessary or relevant to others. It occurs in small and large situations.

It is common, for example, that when volunteers are required for something, they do not step forward. This is a feedback loop. Lack of self-confidence leads to secrecy and secrecy to lack of confidence. By positioning himself in this way, the person reinforces the feeling of incompetence or inadequacy.

It is always good to ask yourself if there is something we can do for others in situations that involve needs or problems. If it is possible to contribute something, the best thing is to offer that help. When, for some reason, it is rejected, the right thing was done anyway: expressing the willingness to collaborate.

Managing the error

It is also common for someone with a lack of self-confidence to refrain from sharing or giving to others for fear of making mistakes. His level of self-criticism is high and he is unable to intelligently position himself against error. For this reason, if someone says to them: “Do you want to participate in this project?”, For example, they may feel a great fear.

Fear triggers insecurities. Phrases like “I won’t be able to do it” or  “They expect a lot from me and I’m going to let them down” come to mind . That blocks any interest in participating or any possibility of giving more to a group of people.

It also happens in personal situations. For example, you want to give another person a very special detail, but you feel that this could be very “cheesy” or that this detail or gift does not please the other. In this way, the options to participate or to give more of themselves end up becoming threats to which they give in.

Communication and self-fulfilling prophecies

Lack of self-confidence also often affects communication with others. Things that should be said are kept quiet, as if there was nothing to express when in fact there often is. It is also possible that the opposite attitude develops: wanting to monopolize conversations, be threatening or uncompromising with others.

An insecure person feels many interactions as attacks. Therefore, he tends to take criticism personally. In these situations they shut themselves up in silence or fight, preventing dialogue or making it a battlefield. These attitudes again create a spiral that ends up increasing the problem.

In the end, all these attitudes end up becoming self-fulfilling prophecies. That is, expectations that end up becoming reality because you yourself do everything possible to make it so, even if you don’t realize it. It is likely that many people end up rejecting or minimizing the help or contribution because it is done in a very anxious way.

It is also possible that such a person ends up being labeled or labeled as selfish. To that extent, it will be difficult for others to seek your participation or help, which ends up increasing the lack of self-confidence.

The person feels like a zero to the left and others, somehow, end up granting him this place (self-fulfilling prophecy). It is a complex vicious cycle, which you only get out of by becoming aware of the way you act.