3 Silent Ghosts That Cause Most Breakups
Couple breakups are often very difficult to cope with, even traumatic, for those who suffer them. In fact, the couple is one of the issues that heads the concerns of a good number of people in the world. It has become a feared territory, but equally desired as a dimension to which many aim to achieve happiness.
It is not often that a couple sit down to evaluate their problems and decide that it is time to end. Most breakups are somewhat abrupt for one of the two. And it is also common for them to be surrounded by conflict , confusion and doubts.
On countless occasions, breakups occur when there is still love in the couple. It may not shine, it may not be like the one from the early days, but there it is. And the feeling is experienced more intensely just when everything ends and you manage to measure the emptiness that the other leaves in your life.
It is always better to be safe, especially if you really love your partner and want the relationship to last a long time. That is why it is important that you remain vigilant and do not allow certain erosive agents to begin to deteriorate the relationship. Among them there are three that are involved in most love breaks. They are as follows.
Excess criticism, a factor that induces breakups
Just as in the beginning there is nothing but flattery, many couples reach a point where the opposite occurs. What comes and goes are criticism. Many of these questions stem from a certain disillusionment that appears when falling in love and with it idealization ceases.
There are those who claim their partner is not “prince charming” or “the enchanted princess” with whom they had fallen in love. Deep down, what they criticize is not having responded to that fantasy they had in their mind. They say that the other “changed. ” To some extent, they feel cheated to discover that the other was not the “better half” they had dreamed of, but a human being with worldly needs and flaws that are not funny.
Criticisms are more appropriate in other areas, such as work or intellectual. In the world of the couple you can live without them. You always have the option to accept the other or not. But if you don’t let go and don’t accept it either, the weather can get very tense. Many couple breakups would be avoided if instead of fighting for the other to change, we worked with ourselves to accept it. There is a difference between not showing us that you love us and not doing it the way we would like, for example.
Defensive behaviors
These types of behaviors commonly appear when a previous conflict has not been resolved. All couples have problems. They all go through situations in which they must forgive, but sometimes those episodes are not handled properly and “something” remains that continues to cause silent damage.
Defensive behaviors also appear when one of the two is very insecure and develops a great dependency. Both in this case, as in the previous one, what follows is more or less hellish for both. One feels threatened, real or imagined. And the other is an eternal suspect who either begins to develop unfounded feelings of guilt or plays to control the fear of the other.
In these conditions, the couple no longer feel united by love, but by conflict. From being two people who should support and empower each other, they become a kind of undeclared enemies. They distrust each other. They protect themselves from their partner. At that point, either the problem is confronted to find the solution or a rupture occurs that can be very healthy for both of you.
Conflict avoidance
Conflict avoidance is also a defensive behavior, but it is expressed passively or latently. The prevailing logic is to ignore problems so as not to give rise to discussions, distancing or, of course, ruptures.
Either of you may be acting in a way that is wrong, inconsiderate, or harmful to the other. However, whoever is the object of all this is silent. He doesn’t say anything because he knows that talking can be the last straw and lead to a breakup. What unites in this case is dependency and fear.
The bad thing is that no matter how much the conflict is avoided, it does not disappear. Whenever you leave a problem out there unsolved, it does not tend to fade, but to grow. The usual thing is that great flows of anguish appear. Also that a great sadness or even depression emerges. And in the meantime, the core problem continues to worsen.
Keeping a partner together is not just a matter of affection. Intelligence is required to circumvent the contradictions that always arise. If you are interested in keeping love alive and avoiding breakups, it is best to learn to communicate lovingly, but also frankly. And abandon the fantasies of adolescence, which bring much more suffering than satisfaction.
Images courtesy of Darek Puczel
