Telling The Truth: 5 Keys To Avoid Hurting Others

Telling the truth has become synonymous with offending people most of the time. The “truth” is a positive value and it would be desirable that we always have access to it. Why then has it become a vehicle to attack others?

The answer could lie in a society that lives under the implicit pact to lie in human relationships in order, apparently, to make them kinder. It seems that if we want to be in harmony with someone, we must lie to them. And if we decide to end that rose garden, we just have to tell him the truth, in the worst terms. Great paradox.

Sometimes telling the truth is an act that is accompanied by anger. Other times, the person who is the object of that “truth” feels bad when told, even if the intention is constructive. What happens to us with the truth?

We should be able to say and listen to truths that we do not like, without this leading to great conflicts. Next, we will see some keys so that telling the truth does not become something unpleasant and hurtful.

1. Express yourself constructively when telling the truth

First of all, it is important to examine what our intentions are  when telling the truth. The first thing is to be honest with ourselves and define if we are motivated by a constructive desire or if, on the contrary, we are using that uncomfortable truth as a pretext to make someone feel bad.

The way to tell the truth will depend on that intention. When motivation is positive, a gentle approach is chosen to communicate with the other. For example, a defect, a fault or an inconsistency is pointed out to him, so that it becomes a contribution and not an affront. To do this, we can also rely on what he does well or is better at. In this way, the message will not be so aggressive.

2. Be willing to listen

Many times the uncomfortable truth involves both parties. So if we are able to tell the truth, we should also be able to hear it. Honest conversations are two-way. Both parties have something to say.

Listening means opening the mind to the other’s point of view. Constructive listening is intended to draw conclusions that are beneficial to everyone involved. For the same reason, there is no reluctance to understand the reasons of others, or to recognize the truths of others.

3. Do not think for others

It is not appropriate to try to think for others, in two senses. The first is to imagine what the reaction of that person to whom you want to tell the truth may be. And desist from doing so assuming the possible damage or discomfort that may be caused.

The second sense is to suppose that it is totally clear what is inside the other. That his intentions and his most secret feelings are known, which serves as the basis for judging him. In both cases, thinking for others only leads to error. Telling the truth is not the same as believing you have it.

4. Be clear and direct

An uncomfortable truth sounds terrible when spoken with anger, strong words, and thoughtlessness. However, it is not appropriate to express it with euphemisms, subtleties or using mechanisms to artificially soften it. In both cases there is a falsification of the central purpose, which is to tell the truth.

It is appropriate to communicate these truths calmly and clearly. The detours only give the impression that you want to deceive or manipulate the situation. It is good to think about which are the most appropriate words to convey a precise, concise and understandable message.

5. Set a purpose

Telling the truth should always have a purpose. However, many times we do not make the effort to define it clearly before speaking. It is a big mistake, since the statement of truths could be obeying not so positive or not so relevant motivations.

The question is: what do you want to achieve by telling the truth? A healthy response has to do with the intention to overcome conflicts, seek greater understanding or raise the quality of the bond that unites us with the other.

It would be positive to banish the idea that telling the truth is equivalent to insulting. Being rude does not mean that someone is sincere. Truths are always better heard and accepted if they are accompanied by respect and a genuine intention to build something more positive for those involved.